you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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