I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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