well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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