In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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