Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
