So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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