Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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