Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
