Too much gin, very little bucket
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
