We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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