So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The power of my boobs compel you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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