you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
