Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
