On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
