Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
