My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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