Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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