I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
