dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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