You work out of a Hotel?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
