so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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