So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
