I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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