Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
