I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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