Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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