At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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