We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
