So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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