She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize