I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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