OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
