im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
