Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
