Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
