Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
