ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
