he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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