Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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