i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
