you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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