Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
