Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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