Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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