I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
