I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
