it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
