Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
did i just pee glitter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
