idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize