Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
