bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
