I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
