I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
