Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
