Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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