He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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