I got chris browned last night
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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