I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
