Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
