Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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