she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
