Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
