Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
