Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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