"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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