Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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