At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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