i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He shit in the fireplace
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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