I just made out with a guy for $7.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
