That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
